Tx0x

Do you ever have one of those... months where you try to make things right but you end up making things worse?

Caring too much is an issue so it seems.

My brain things and acts before I know what happens.

I cant stand my brain.

There is a friend who is very special to me, I hate upsetting her.

Things go well then I fuck up. A few days go by and everything is good again.

Then I fuck up again.

It repeats on and on...

Why? Why is my brain and personality messed up?

When she is perfect I'm a fucken person who screws off again and again...


I hope I don't lose this person. I know that we cant ever be together but I need a friend like her in my life.

Someone who is fun, sweet, and understanding. She knows things about me that I don't share as well as she has told me things that her parents don't even know.



How does one mix a friendship when one of the friends (me) fucks everything up many times.... 

Not much to say.
Things didn't work as they should like most of the time when it comes to relationships.
Tears were shed.
But then the night still ended with a sweet farewell kiss.
I know things won't change badly for me and this girl.
We still will be our little fun random musical theater nerds.
Wish this gal and I could be someone more but I'm still glad that I ment my female twin to match my energetic young male self. :j

Not much to say.
Things didn't work as they should like most of the time when it comes to relationships.
Tears were shed.
But then the night still ended with a sweet farewell kiss.
I know nothing bad will happen and I'm totally OK with that.
We still can act the same when we hang.
Wish this gal and I could be someone more but I'm still glad that I ment my female twin to match my energetic young male self. :j

My mind goes crazy.
Thoughts and memories that made me happy and sad.
They make me remember you.

I know today is a special date for him and you. So this is write:

I hope he makes you laugh the way you did to me.
I hope he is there to keep you warm when youre cold.
I hope you get butterflys when you see him like you made me have more times than I can remember.
I hope he remembers the small little things that make you you.
I hope he makes you laugh and make smiles permanently stay on your face for hours.
I hope he accepts you for you.
I hope he brings you up when you are down.
I hope he loves you the way I do.

I miss you ever so much.

Today is your one year mark with another. He achieved something that I lost. You.

I hope things go well for you.
Somethings won't chance. Unless you make an effort.
Then again things still will even if we don't wish it to be.

Hope we will still be friends soon. Even if it is in another life time.

Last month I lost a black journey that a dear friend gave to me for my 21st birthday. It had drawings, poetry and bible studies in it.
I was going to take it to work so i could do some writing but before i could it fell out of the car. I didn't notice until I was already at work and looked around for it. I called my dad to check in the car if it was still there. He looked and said no. I'm friends with all the security guards in the valley mall and I asked if they could look outside to see if it's out there. They were kind enough to look for me. No luck though.

I was hurt cause I lost something that she gave me. I thought about it the whole time I was at work. It had memories writen down, and picture ideas and thoughts. It had everything. It even had Bible verses throughout the journal.

After a while I told myself, it's just a book. Sure it has my ideas and such in it, but it's still a book. Yes the reason behind it and the symbolic meaning means a lot to me.
But it's still just a book.
I asked God if it was ment to be that I get it back, awesome; but if not, that would be ok.

The rest of the day went smoothly and the next day comes. My dad dropped me off for work and then came back 10 mins later. I saw him holding up the journal. It was totally destroyed by the storm we had the night when I lost it. I gave him a hug and took the soaked journey.
That right there was a little miracle to me.



Yesterday was a super busy day from the beginning. Woke up from nightmares, went to Dq and we were slammed like no tomorrow. I had a huge workout that day, running back and forth making many ice cream treats, getting orders, etc. Everyone was super tired too. We all lost our minds by the time for us to leave.

At Things Remembered it wasn't my kind of day, one sale and had issues at the end of the night. Simply not my day yesterday.

I got home around 11pm super tired and annoyed with the day. I got into the kitchen to have some food, but totaly forgot about it when I saw a green envelope on the table. I read who it was from and it was from two friends who just got engaged. It was a letter saying thanks for helping them getting the funds for their trip to Mexico. They even made me a cool keychain.

So even tho it was a super long messed up day, God can show you little miracles that you need when the time is right.

We wake up everyday and that in itself is a little miracle.
We have a roof over our heads, clothes, and so much more.
We don't necessarily need to have a iPhone or the best car in the neighborhood.
We should be humble with what we have.



I'm taking the time for now on to try to see God's little miracles every day.